How do you help someone that is in pain?

All of us have some sort of pain that we deal with on a daily basis. For some it is short-lived, but for others it is something they have been living with for a very long time. Some have physical pain, some emotional, some mental, and some spiritual pain. So, how do we get something beautiful out of all that nasty, messy, broken, ugly, pain caused by a physical injury, or from memories of some sort of abuse, whether physical, mental, or emotional, or perhaps even all of the above?

Some people will tell you that it is easy, just get over it and move on. Still others will refuse to believe that you are in as much physical pain as you are. They will consider you a hypochondriac, a faker.  Often, things are said either to the person in pain, or about them but where they can hear what is being said. Then you have your usual gossipers who love nothing more than to run around telling, and usually embellishing the story, about something you may have shared with them in confidence. This is exceptionally painful if the one you shared your confidence with was a fellow church member, someone you trusted to keep your conversation private.

So, what do you do when something like this happens to you, or to someone you love? What if it happens to someone you don’t know very well, but you have seen them at school, at church, at ladies meetings? Well, first of all, you are going to be shocked because by the look on their face you always thought they had it all together. They are always smiling and appear perfectly happy! How can they be so happy if they are really so miserable?

If you are the person who has been hurt or is currently dealing with pain of any kind, seek out someone to talk to. You may find that someone to be your spouse, a friend (though if you have been in any kind of pain for any amount of time, friends are few and far between), a fellow church member that you have no doubt you can trust, or your pastor.

There is nothing anywhere that says you have to tell them your whole story at the very start. Start slowly. Get to know the person you are talking to a bit and allow them to get to know you. Let them know that you feel you can trust them and that you have something you would like to talk to them about. If you have already been visiting for too long, make arrangements to get together again very soon, and stick to it! 

Whomever you have chosen to be your confidant, once you feel comfortable with them, let them know that you want to share something from your past in the hopes that sharing it will help you to let go of it, to get past it, and to move on. Let them know if you are seeking advice or just an ear to listen to you before you ever begin. Then, tell them your story. 

No matter what your story is, whether a story of ongoing physical pain and dependence on medications and other treatments just to be able to make it from one day to the next, or a story of abuse at some point in your life, or even possibly a story of being treated in what you feel was a very non-Christian-like manner at a previous church. Just share your story. Be sure there are tissues, plenty of them, close by! For some reason, once we begin telling our stories, no matter what the outcome has been, we will still cry about it. Sometimes the tears are joyful tears because we realize where we were and where we are now, and other times they may be tears of total sadness, fear, anger, because we don't see a way out of our situation. Tell as much detail of your story as you are comfortable with, perhaps letting your listener know that there are more details but you are just not ready to share them quite yet. 

As a listener, that is what you are to do, LISTEN! Never, ever interrupt when someone is telling you about something that has hurt them severely in the past. That could cause the to shut down and decide that you are not the person they want to share this with. When they pause in the story telling, wait before you say anything. Pray before saying a word!! Even a simple prayer said to yourself of "God, help me" can do amazing things. When the hurting person is finished with their story, you will know. They will either let you know that "that's it", or you will just be able to tell by their body language and the fact that they usually are in tears and not saying anything at all.

When it becomes your turn to speak, first and most importantly, let them know that you love them, that nothing they could say could cause you to not love them. Let them know that God loves them! If they are a Christian, help them see the way to get back on the right track and pray with them, sometimes several times in one visit! Remind them that they are continually a work in progress, clay in the Potter's hands. Remind them that we are all being molded and shaped into what God wants us to be each and every moment of every day. Remind them that sometimes that molding and shaping does hurt, but that it is highly likely God has given them this trial to go through in order to be the kind of witness He needs. Remind them that God knows what He is doing! He has had their lives planned since before the beginning of time! Pray with them. Let them know that God never leaves us nor forsakes us, that He is always there for us, to listen to us and to help us get over this hurdle or mountain we are climbing, but that we have to put all of our trust in Him. We have to have faith that He can and will take care of our situation. 

Never, ever tell them that God will take care of it for them and you will be praying for them and leave it at that! EVER!! For all they know, that was just your way of getting away from them, like so many in the past have done. First, pray with them and for them. Then offer to help them find the kind of help they need. Do they need money because they can't pay their light bill this month? Call your pastor and see what can be done. Call anyone you can think of and get this person some help. Be careful though. Don't give out their name unless they have told you that it is okay!! 

Maybe they have told you about something that happened to them many years ago and now they are dealing with depression, anxiety, possibly suicidal thoughts at one time, though not at the present time. Help them find some professional counseling, then offer to drive them to the counseling appointment if they don't have transportation. Even if they do have transportation, offer anyway! There is always the possibility that they do not have the funds for gas in their vehicle to go to the counselor, or they may just need the moral support. 

If the problem causing the pain is due to a problem they had at a previous church, help them to see that not all churches are the same. Not all people are the same. Explain to them the importance of being forgiving, whether to their former church as a whole, or just a certain member. If they are not currently attending a church, invite them to attend yours with you. Be prepared though when you do this for either it to take several invitations for them to actually finally take you up on your offer, or for them to be very uncomfortable when they do come to church with you. Do everything in your power to make them feel comfortable. Remember, this is all about making them feel comfortable and welcome. 

Most importantly, let the person who is hurting know that God is working on them, carrying them through whatever rough time they are having, even though it may not feel like it. Sometimes, when you are going through a difficult time, hurting for whatever reason, it can feel like everyone has left you alone, even God. Make sure that they know HE is always there. Pray with them as much as they will let you! Then continue to pray for them as often as you can. Explain to them about the potter and the clay, how we are the clay and God is the potter and he is molding and forming us into the person he wants us to be ultimately. God will frequently use our bad experiences to bring something out in us to use to help others. Help them to consider that possibility. But most importantly, just be there for them, and keep their confidence. Never, ever share ANY information they share with you without their permission first. Be the friend that they are crying out for so desperately. 

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 NIV

Matthew 11:28 NIV

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Psalm 119:28

New International Version (NIV)

28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
    strengthen me according to your word.

DO NOT COVET AND HELP THOSE IN NEED....DO SOMETHING!!!

When you have children, and then grandchildren, your life totally changes. It is never your own life again. Once you become a parent, your life is no longer about the things that YOU want, it becomes about what is best for your child.
We should always be living our lives for what GOD wants for us, but most of us get involved in making the almighty buck, getting the next, newest toy, keeping up with what everyone else is doing! "Well they have a new jet ski/four wheeler/house/car, so I need to get one too!" Is that how God wants us to behave?
Not very long ago, my pastor, Jared Hollier, gave a sermon about coveting. He was doing a series on the ten commandments and, of course, THOU SHALL NOT COVET, was one of his sermons, and a very good one I might add.
But we all, no matter how hard we try not to, we still covet. We want the newer, bigger, better version of whatever we already have. WHY??
Honestly, what is so great about having a 70 inch television on an 96 inch wall? Especially if your room, living room/den, is only a 12x12 room. Even an 16x16 room is too small for a television the size of a movie theater screen!!! WHY do you need one that large?
Usually it's because someone you know has gotten one that maybe is that size or a little smaller, so you want to be as good or better then them and have the same or a larger television.
Did you know that God doesn't care how big you television is? In fact, He would probably prefer you didn't even have one. Spend the time you would be watching TV reading His word and learning about Him, or praying, or serving Him.
Do you know that God doesn't care what kind of car you drive, or house you live in, or toys you have? In fact, He would probably prefer that you concern yourself more with serving Him, even if it means selling some of those 'toys'.
Somewhere in this world there are people who don't know where their next meal is coming from, they don't know if they are going to have a place to safely lay their head tonight to sleep. Somewhere there is a family living in their car because they can't afford rent. Somewhere there are children, and adults, wondering if the water they are drinking is safe.
Does any of that apply to you? I doubt it, but what are you doing to change any of that? Are you actively seeking out someone in need? Keep in mind, someone near you may have a need that is not as drastic as those I mentioned, but they still have a need. Maybe there is a young mother who desperately needs someone to just visit her. Maybe there is an older church member who isn't able to get out much, if at all, who would love nothing more than for you to go over and have a cup of coffee with them!
Perhaps the person in need is right under your nose. The person that looks like they have it all together, may be so torn up inside they don't know how to pray for their problems without appearing selfish, yet they have the kinds of problems that we know God can and will take care of. This person who is right next to you in church may have something going on in their life that they don't want to discuss publicly, but a visit from one of their fellow church members to listen and pray with them would most likely mean the world to them.
We are such a fortunate society if you really think about it. Most of us don't have to wonder about our next meal, or if we are going to have a place to lay our head at night, but we may be wondering how we are going to make it through this storm in our lives.
The storms we suffer through could be a child having difficulties, medical problems, job problems, differences with a neighbor, a grown child in trouble. There are so many things that go on in our every day lives, most of us take for granted that everyone around us has it all together and is probably not in need of prayer or anything else we might have to offer.
Please rethink that. Carefully watch those around you, listen to the conversations around you, notice the people at church. Do they seem genuinely happy, or do they appear to have something on their mind that might be hindering their worship of our Lord God?
If you notice someone who maybe appears to be down, or distracted, talk to them. Let them know that you are available if they ever want to talk, or need anything; and then follow up with them! Give them a day or two and then you call them, or go see them. If the problem has them that distracted and they don't want to speak about it publicly, they are probably too embarrassed to call you to ask for help, so you call them and make the offer.
What can you do to help them? Maybe they just need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, someone to pray with them. Some may actually need other types of assistance. They may need financial to get them through the week, until the next pay day. Maybe they need assistance taking care of something in their home. Find out their need, and then fill that need.
1 John 3:16-20   "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything."
If you truly love God, find someone in need, even if they just need some company for a while, or you may find someone in need of $100 or more to pay a bill. Help them find a way to do it, even if it means giving it to them yourself. Trust me, if you do this, God will bless you!!
I'll end this with my church motto.... DO SOMETHING!!!