Losing weight versus getting healthy

I have fought with my weight since I was in high school. I was always the chunky girl who dressed like a boy because that was usually the only size clothing my mom would buy me. It was easier to find boys clothes to fit me than to search for girls clothes. So, I usually ended up with boys jeans, maybe I would get to pick out some girls shirts, and then there were the shoes.
My sophomore year of high school I wanted a pair of heels to wear with the jeans like all the girls were doing So we went to a mall where my parents sat down on one of those benches outside the stores and I went from store to store to try on shoes. The deal was, when I found some that fit me, I would go get them to come pay for the shoes. After trying shoes on at virtually every store in the mall, I found none, My feet were just too big and wide! When we ran into this problem with tennis shoes or even boots, I always ended up with boys shoes because they tended to run a little different and they had wide sizes! So, I usually got boys tennis shoes, and eventually, boys boots.
I could never wear the cute things the girls in school wore! hey could put on a pair of jeans, nice blouse, and really cute shoes and they looked amazing!! Not me. I always looked like the frumpy, poor girl who couldn't afford nice clothes. Which was partially true.
You see, my parents did not like spending money on my for new school clothes or anything, I always got a couple pair of jeans, in boys style, and these were expected to last me all yea Then we would go to Kmart and get a couple shirts, underwear and bras. It was never a fun shopping trip.
I remember going to the material store at one time to buy what I needed for my home ec class. We were making a clothing item and later found out that we would be wearing this clothing item to school!!
I found a pattern that I really liked, some material and all the other stuff I was going to need for this project. The material I bought was a terry cloth knit. I was making a swimsuit cover up, romper type thing. Why the teacher allowed me to make such a thing is beyond me. I made it, even if I thought it looked like crap and I wore it to school, only  to be told I would have to change because it was too revealing. I said ok and went to change in the girls locker room or the restroom, I don't remember which. I just know that I was humiliated at having to take off my home made project and lose the points for wearing it to school.
Then there was the time to go prom dress shopping with the girls, Everyone except me, found beautiful dresses. I went home empty handed. So, when I got home, I was informed that my brothers friend was sending over a dress for me to try on and I would wear it if it fit, which it did, But it was an ugly, plain yellow dress. There was just nothing possible to add any bling to or to make it look more like a high school girls dress!
You  see, I was large than all the other girls so it was hard for me to find, Needless to say, I was devastated!
Then came purchasing cheer uniforms. Just having to tell them my size was horrifying enough, but I had to try it on for everyone!!! That lead to what I now have which is an aversion to trying on clothes! I would rather uy what I think fits, bring it home and try it on in private. Problem there is that I have no one to give me an honest opinion!! So, I typically buy t-shirts and blouses in a size that I know I can wear, my jeans I buy a variety of sizes.
I guess on thing lead to another and I ended up, after marrying and having a child, with weight that just would not go away! I finally almost got rid of it when I ended up pregnant again!! This time I gained quite a bit and had no time to lose it after he was born before I found out I was pregnant once more, with  TWINS!!! After the birth of my twins, with an 18 month old and a 5 year old in the house, there was just no way for me to lose weight.
This saga will continue tomorrow...............